The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this weekâs great tweets from women, and then visit our âFunniest Tweets From Womenâ page for past roundups.
instead of asking âhow are you,â we should start conversations with âso whatâs been haunting you this weekâ
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 22, 2023
Meal prepping is crucial for having quick and easy access to something i would rather die than eat
— anne (@codinghater) May 23, 2023
i told the bus driver he was hot when i got off the bus because life's short but now he's my driver on the way back too so turns out life is long
— You Will Find Your People is out nowđNYC 5/26 (@hellolanemoore) May 20, 2023
airports are so funny. like âoh youâre flying across the country? would you like to hang out in a mall firstâ
— trash jones (@jzux) May 21, 2023
I ran into my old therapist at the store and to my surprise she spoke to me in public. She asked me how I was doing, I responded âIâm struggling to be honest.â She replied âwell take careâ and walked off Lmaoo
— AntionetteTheGirlNextDoor (@AskDrAnti0nette) May 22, 2023
Girls notes app be like:
— 𤨠Collin Farrell's eyebrows 𤨠(@CH3RRYMOCHA) May 22, 2023
- grocery lists
- childhood trauma
- travel plans
- draft breakup text
- baby names
- situationships
- appointment reminders
- gut-wrenching paragraphs about worst life experiences
- deepest darkest fears
- passwords
Being married to a former drug addict has it's funny moments.
— k i r b y (@mommatofour_) May 21, 2023
Earlier my husband said, "if we start giving them apple juice, we should cut it with water right?"
DILUTE....DILUTE IS THE WORD BABE
Forget a hot girl summer I want a Winnie the Pooh summer with no pants a cute little shirt and a chubby belly
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 22, 2023
nothing more freeing than when your friend gives you permission to be a full hater of her ex like oh yes here comes 3 years of pent up disgust baby plus L plus ratio plus his haircut should be illegal
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 25, 2023
European food isnât magical, itâs the lifestyle that keeps them thin. You have to wake up, drink your coffee, hop on your little scooter, sleep with everyone elseâs wife by noon, then make it to work in time for your first lunch break and it takes a lot out of you
— waria đ¤â (@EternalDago) May 20, 2023
*me getting my oil changed*
— Invisđ (@invis4yo) May 24, 2023
mechanic: âweâve also notice thatââ
me: pic.twitter.com/k6cQbHvwQ9
When a woman has her husbandâs last name, my first assumption is that they got married in their 20s. I feel like by your 30s, youâve absolutely maxed out on paperwork.
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 23, 2023
i donât mind accidentally being in the background of tiktoks because if iâm ever falsely accused of a crime all i have to do for an alibi is find the 19-year-old who was filming their trip to the starbucks on beverly and la brea to try the ice spice latte on 5/19/23 at 2:37pm
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) May 20, 2023
There should be a Nobel prize for not drunk texting someone even when you really want to
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 20, 2023
Me: hmm, this medieval city builder game is clunky, I probably wonât play long
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 21, 2023
Me, four hours later, having not moved: YES YES ADMIRE THE VASTNESS OF MY SHEEP FIELDS!
I think the elephant really ties the room together
— reb (@rebmasel) May 20, 2023
I bring a book with me everywhere I go NOT because Iâm a particularly voracious reader but because what if thereâs a hostage situation, and what if that hostage situation has a lot of down time. It canât all be drama. Thereâs probably some downtime.
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 25, 2023
this is what I mean when I ask if you want to hang out pic.twitter.com/HS0u2Kqdgs
— Danya Issawi (@danya_issawi) May 20, 2023
hear me out: This American Life but made by people who went to party schools
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) May 23, 2023
i really dont think anyone who wasn't in college before, say, 2013 can appreciate just how much of our social life was "take a billion photos at one social event and then upload them all to Facebook and caption every single one"
— molly taft (@mollytaft) May 22, 2023
*testing out the display showers at Home Depot by crying in them*
— Taco (Biggieâs Version) (@bgschnikelfritz) May 20, 2023
Shrek got a 10 minute standing ovation at Cannes just for a little bit of context.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 22, 2023
Oh my god it happened there was a medical emergency on my flight
— Rachel Alter MD MPH (@RachelAlter007) May 20, 2023
I've had my MD for 4 days
Thank god half the passengers from Israel to New York are also doctors and another more seasoned one stood up because when I tell you my life flashed before my eyes
when i watch selling sunset i feel like i am the feminist book store owners from portlandia
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) May 23, 2023
was just driving behind a car with two home-printed signs that said âNEW DRIVER! BE PATIENT!! I AM MORE SCARED THAN YOU!!â but no in fact now that I have seen the sign I think am
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 20, 2023
I still call it "ABC Family." I'm calling it "HBO Max" forever.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) May 23, 2023
This girl pushed past me at this function yesterday and I looked at her with my face screwed up and my friend gently put her hand on my shoulder and said âshe will beat both of our assesâŚlet it goâ đđđ
— B (@LupusFiasco) May 22, 2023
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